Мария Шуваева

Апрель

Постепенно стены теряли цвет
Даже в самом светлом квадрате зала.
Завывал апрель, и ложился снег,
Мне казалось, прямо на одеяло.
Замирала на ночь: боялась, вдруг
Глубоко вдохну и сойдет лавина,
Лезли мысли о, обострялся слух,
Но никто не шел, даже просто мимо.


***

Сегодня еще так, и завтра так,
А послезавтра будут перемены.
Свернется по-ежиному в кулак
Твоя ладонь. Зима на обе смены
Заступит, градус выйдет в ноль,
Застынет грязь, заледенеют лужи,
И не поможет даже алкоголь
Поверить в то, что ты кому-то нужен.
Изрежешь тыкву в праздник всех святых
И затоскуешь от ассоциаций
Про пустоту внутри, про то, что ты
Рассказан кем-то без души и вкратце.


***

Убегаю полем, футбольным полем,
убегаю взлетною полосою,
(я боюсь воды!) уплываю кролем —
ни минуты, ни полминуты стоя.

Я зеленый поезд, я скорый поезд,
я ведома рельсами – не иначе,
я завишу от дождевых надоев,
от чего-то там, что вдали маячит.

Я ловлюсь, ловлюсь рыболовной снастью,
я плыву на свет, не имея четких
представлений об окуневом счастье,
а вода в реке не противней водки.

Забиваю голову чем угодно,
только чтобы было, как раньше – пусто,
утону, как камень пойду под воду:
неуклюже, глупо и безыскусно.

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