Александр Филатов

Александр Филатов

Прихожу в себя

Прихожу в себя – никого нет дома:
Я себя любя укокошил ломом.
Прохожу-сажусь – с корабля на нары –
И вдыхаю грусть своего кошмара…

Прихожу в себя – свято место пусто.
Не спеша, сгребаю осколки чувства.
Погасил светимость, разбил единство…
Эх, необратимость – большое свинство!

Прихожу в себя – вроде весь не вышел,
Вроде дышит что-то пониже крыши,
Унесенной под дзен одного бокала…
Я нашел себя, но меня мне мало!

Прихожу к другим – говорят: «пришелец»,
Отдают долги мне, почти не целясь.
Грозовым банзаем гремит погода…
Выход есть, я знаю, но нету входа!

И опять к другим, и опять по роли:
«Я забыл логин и не знал пароли…»
Но защита работает подло-творно –
Шлёт, куда, не знаю, уже повторно.

То ли белый свет, то ли блёклый тонер,
То ли послан на слишком короткий номер.
То ли верить-ждать, что найдёшь-вернёшься,
То ли всё проспать под «не спи – проснёшься!»

Звезда Сусанина

На нервных клетках, что чёрно-белые от рожденья,
На кочках зрения, тем устойчивее, чем старше,
Мы мяли землю и встречали землетрясенья,
Но потрясающих было меньше, чем ожидавших.
На всех не хватит – все сели в поезд, я сел на рельсы,
И мир поехал в свое сверхдальнее зарубежье,
А я остался в запредельные верить рейсы –
В бессрочном отпуске зарплату дают надеждой…

…Он подошел, Зеленый Хидр: в глазах мерцала
Звезда Сусанина – не довериться просто глупо –
Сказал «Блаженны все сошедшие с пьедестала,
И да поможет тебе святая Паралипупа!»

Подъехал трак: Назвался грузом – залазь-ка в кузов!
Шофёра нет? Так меня же тоже! Здесь всё как надо:
Судьбу в котомку, котомку в сердце, а сердце в лузу –
Копайте глубже, здесь вам не Англия, вот лопата.

Нале-направо, в дорожных знаках ища смещенье,
От кайфа к кайросу повороты – такая фаза.
Толкая землю, ты ускоряешь ее вращенье,
Вдаль от Земель Разочарованных Сразу.

Где был бы точкою – и точкою не своею,
Да с репутацией, подмоченной по колено:
Коль настроение потеряно, то посмеет
Лишь Джим’о Рой, твой ирландский братец, прийти на смену.

А здесь прозрачно, как в снах о том, что ещё не сбылось,
Где равнозначны «До прощания!» и «До встречи!»,
Где всё на свете разорвалось и остановилось,
Но Красного знания орден ярок и безупречен.

Путевку в жизнь, что красной нитью в груди вскипает,
Не остановят ни извержения, ни лавины,
И мы идем – Звезда Сусанина освещает
Витое Дао лихой Когорты Идущих Мимо.

***

Опять наизнанку солнце луной прикинется,
Ни капли рассвета на лицах, туман в глазах.
Все местны настолько, что с места никто не сдвинется,
Ведь «сдвинутые» грезят верою в пух и прах.
А мир отдыхает – вы не будите спящего –
Чихнёт и себе салютует: «Всегда здоров!»
Он очень надёжно спрятан от настоящего
Смирительными одеждами облаков.

Он выжат по капле чьей-то лохматой лапою,
И впору уже океанам просить воды.
Затишье такое, что слышно, как тихой сапою
Крадутся сапёры из Мира большой беды.

Что будет, никто не знает, и тем тревожнее
Звонки, разговоры, упавшая пелена…
Когда всё по полной взяв, не отдали должное,
Тогда наступает полный, чтоб дать сполна.

Тогда в дни турбин плотины не станут стопором,
Спасающим от океанов, просящих огня,
Тогда самолеты небо вскрывают штопором,
Тогда это небо придётся испить до дна,

До боли, с которой уже никогда не справиться,
До самого острия серых скал испить…
Прощальным сигналом SOS в небеса срывается
За «Быть!» этот тост последний, за «Просто быть!»

Ночь Звенящих Сознаний

Кто движется в рай, кому ближе Геенна —
Подчас за углом не видать расстояний,
Но в жизни у каждого есть непременно
Хотя бы одна Ночь Звенящих Сознаний.

Какие там к чёрту тарелки и блюдца?!
Кристальная ясность в пространство прольётся.
Не бойся её — в эту ночь удаётся
Кому-то — уснуть, а кому-то — проснуться.

И линии жизни летят из ладоней,
И мимо уносит знакомые гнёзда.
Но, падая вниз, не хватайся за звёзды,
А то вместе с ними в пространстве утонешь.

Играет «Аквариум» — рыбы внимают,
И пляской огней Ночь Звенящих Сознаний
Тебя приглашает последовать с нами —
Аквариум ночи тебя принимает.

И знаешь, что будет! И веришь: «Так надо!»
Ни больше, ни меньше! Предельно успешно!
Враги будут биты, на счастье, конечно.
И пляшут огни, и звенят серенады.

Тройка, семерка, высь

Тройка, семерка… В восемь
Не наступил рассвет.
Лето уходит в осень
Всех предстоящих лет,
В железобетон событий,
Которым до фонаря,
Где будущего «не видя»,
Лучше сказать «Не зря»,

Где «всё хорошо» и норма –
Три метра до визави,
Где встретимся мы бесспорно,
Без страсти и без любви.
Где рваного сна нирвана
Не растворит печаль,
Где усугубляет раны
Фатальное «Очень жаль…» –

Больнее, чем жалят пчёлы,
Сильнее, чем жжёт костёр –
Кружусь в бесконечном соло,
Поставленном на повтор.
Мой звук превратился в эхо,
Мой свет превратился в тень,
Ведь я из себя уехал,
Летально и насовсем…

Вхожу в тридцать восемь, словно
Без имени и лица…
Но хочешь родиться новым –
Умирай до конца!
Ведь это и значит – выстоял,
Не превратившись в слизь?…
Тройка, семёрка, выстрел…
Тройка, семёрка, высь.

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