Алексей Колесниченко

***

Жили во мне черти.
Били во мне бога.
Черти ушли. Чем-то
вытравил. Но плохо

мне без чертей. Слепо,
глухо. Разбит паззл:
если глядеть в небо —
рвутся с землей связи.

Я ведь земной. Я ведь
змейка, червяк, ужик.
Облачко мне — ядом,
небушко мне — лужей.

Богу во мне тесно,
легкие жжет лавой.
Черти, а ну — место!
Я не хочу плавать.


Сын

Через пару десятков лет
поменяю я бой на быт,
поселюсь я в каком селе,
и жена мне дитя родит.
И придет он в расцвете сил,

я скажу ему, стар и сед:
будь умнее меня, мой сын,
потому что отец — поэт.
Потому что он одержим
(глянь какая колотит дрожь!)
Я прошу тебя — не пиши
и струну никогда не трожь.
Заклинаю тебя, храбрец:
не ходи по стопам отца,
потому что смертельный грех —
лезть в один пантеон к творцам.
Не летают пегасы, врут
героини античных пьес.
И не лезь на парнас-гору,
ибо это вулкан, как есть.
Шарф со шляпою не носи —
не подходит винтаж к лицу,
и… не слушай меня, мой сын,
как и я не внимал отцу.
Жизнь запретами не бедна,
значит, чтобы достичь высот,
помни: рамка всегда одна —
несдвигаемый горизонт.
Пусть на первых листах газет
нет пока твоего лица…
Потому что отец — поэт,
превзойди же, мой сын, отца!


***

Мир холодеет. Стада облаков — пасутся.
Путы Господни — по самый кадык увит.
Каждое утро попытками не проснуться
Я преломляю копья его любви.

Каждое утро я матом втираю в зеркало
Самооценку в попытках поднять углы
Губ. Охряные глаза и лицо побелкой, и
Жёлтый, как солнце, последний точеный клык

На невозможность согреться, и тот с изломом.
Я растираю в пыль золотую смесь
Воздуха меж ладоней. И с каждым словом
Каждое новое слово теряет вес.

В поисках повода к правде пытаю дело —
Дело и при смерти всё в несусветной лжи.
Господи, ведь это тело когда-то пело.
Значит, пляши.


Уезжаю

И вот теперь, куда ни соберись,
Часы летят, как стреляная гильза.
В чужой рубахе, выстиранной вдрызг,
Стою на перепутье новой жизни.

Учусь спешить и экономить не-
закончившиеся рубли на пищу.
Я уезжаю через десять дней
В крикливое чужое городище.

Дорога, что допрежь не завела
Ни под венец, ни на войну, ни в лужу,
Прости, что мне из всех возможных благ
Лишь общечеловеческое чуждо.

И потому снимаю твой уют —
Авось и с моего плеча доносят.
На перепутье поезда поют.
Я уезжаю через девять, восемь…


***

Я судьбу наперёд не расспрашивал ни о чём —
мало толку заранее знать о своих проколах.

Книга жизни моей — неказистый черновичок
идиотских рассказов для возраста младшей школы.
В них что место, то пусто; что время в них, то петля;
что ни слово, то глупость; что действие — форма лени.
Но любовь красной нитью отчёркивает поля —
всем строкам поперёк — для пометок и исправлений.

Книжка тоненькая, корешок белой ниткой шит,
на обложке рисунок такой — не дай бог приснится.

…Я тебе обещал, что «пока нас не разлучит».

А она выдирает с конца по одной странице

и смеётся.

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